


Lonely Illusions

by Straccia_Tella



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Nothing but angst, Other, The Allura and Lotor things is complicated, gettin' this out before season 8 kills us, lotors gone a little loco, since this took place right after their fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-15 14:11:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16934727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Straccia_Tella/pseuds/Straccia_Tella
Summary: Lotor drifts on, alone in the void. But maybe he's not as alone as he thinks.





	Lonely Illusions

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this [art piece](https://itsnotdoneyet.tumblr.com/post/177633750363/what-if-lotor-was-going-through-space-madness-likel) by [itsnotdoneyet](https://itsnotdoneyet.tumblr.com/). She's one of the biggest fans of Lotor and a really great person, go check her out!

Lotor had been drifting in the white space inside his Sincline ship, the large mecha he had helped to create alongside Allura that was currently swaying around like a leaf going down a stream. No direction, and no sense of self. He had thought about trying to move his controls to get his ship to move, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do anything. What was the urgency for it all?

He had never felt so tired before. He could recall some days or nights where he was too exhausted to keep his eyes open and tended to retreat to a quiet area of his ship to sleep it away, but this felt different. No matter how hard he wanted to shut his eyes, they refused to close, and it didn’t even feel like he was inhabiting his own body. He was sure if this was a true out of body-experience, he’d be able to see how haggard his face looked after all the fighting he’d done. 

… Fighting? What was he fighting?

He began to wrack his brain for a name, but when it came up with nothing, he wasn’t sure if he had the energy to feel scared about not recalling something as important as who had just been dueling. Lotor had spent nearly all his life fighting others in order to survive, sometimes the names and faces began to blur, leaving him feeling defenseless. He needed the power to be able to protect himself, but he needed to get it somehow. 

He could barely remember entering this white void in space, and at this point, he was becoming more and more apathetic as time passed. Why should he care about how he got here? 

“ _Why did you lie to me?”_ A woman’s voice came, and he felt his heart drop as he began to slowly recognize it. 

“…Allura?”

His poor sight must have been due to the fact that he hit his head, because he could see Allura floating outside of his ship. Even with her plug-suit helmet on, he wondered how the princess was here. Something was telling him how this had something to do with him, but the memories were scattered not only from what he perceived to be a head injury, but also due to Allura’s enraged eyes making it too difficult to think. 

A mixture of guilt and anger was coursing through his veins. He couldn’t recall why he was feeling this rage, but didn’t try to pursue it. Allura’s voice sounded so pained, so agitated, he didn’t want to hear more of it. Yet, for some reason, all of that pain seemed to be aimed at _him_. 

“ _Why didn’t you tell me that my people were alive?”_ Her crystal blue eyes pierced him deeply, making him feel uncomfortable with her accusations. 

“I was doing it to protect them,” he rasped. “I was going to tell you as soon as I could about the colony, after we left the void and did some tests on the quintessence we recovered. ”

“ _Liar,_ ” Allura hissed. 

“Allura, I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you-”

“ _When would that happen, Lotor? Weeks? Months?”_

_“_ Allura, listen to me!” Lotor tried to cut in to explain himself, but Allura was giving him no quarter. 

_“You were never going to tell me that the people who I thought I’d lost ten-thousand years ago to your father were still alive.”_ Allura’s voice became louder and louder, piercing his skull to the point where he had to hold onto it just to ease the pain a little. “ _You were using them, just as you were using me!”_

“Allura-!”

“ _You Galra are all the same_! _You will never be any different from Zarkon!_ ”

Something inside him snapped, he slammed his controls forward, as the hands of Sincline rushed up to grasp at the princess in front of it. She vanished into smoke as the mechanical hands passed through, leaving Lotor alone once more. 

“Do you fear the Galra so much, princess?! Then come out and show yourself!” Lotor laughed, thrashing around trying to capture the bit of wisps of smoke he could. “ _You think your father was any different?! Dooming his entire kingdom and the paladins of old to suffer for his actions?!”_

He thrashed even more, hearing the parts of his mech groan at the movement, but he laughed on. He could vaguely remember now how he got here, and how it was Allura’s fault. Yes, it was her fault. Had she just listened to him, he wouldn’t have had to resort to such measures, but here they were. It didn’t matter that this wasn’t how he’d normally act. She hurt him, so it only seemed fair that he do the same. 

“ _You think yourself better?! FACE ME, PRINCESS OF ALTEA! ONCE I’M RID OF YOU, THE GALRA AND ALL OF MY ENEMIES, I SHALL BECOME THE NEW RULER OF ALTEA AND WIPE THE NAME OF VOLTRON FROM THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE!”_

He pulled his controls around for some time, how long he wasn’t sure. But when he finally came to a halt, out of breath and his eyes clearing, he slumped back in his chair as Sincline seemed to groan from all the moving before floating limply as it did before. Why was he doing this? He was going to get nowhere acting this way. He muttered some curses under his breath, his eyelids slowly beginning to close. 

Perhaps if he just closed his eyes for a moment to collect himself, things might be better. Or maybe for a dobosh. He could do with some rest.

  As his eyes slowly began to close, something stirred him. 

A soft and warm hand pressed against his cheek from behind and all of his actions came to an immediate halt. This wasn’t Allura’s hand. 

“ _Lotor…”_ This voice was quiet, gentle. A voice he wished he had heard more throughout his childhood. 

“….Mother?” He asked, but couldn’t turn his head to check and confirm. “Why are you here?”

“ _I can’t come by and see my own son?”_ She asked, and Lotor could feel her smiling just by her voice. 

_You're dead_ , the logical part of his brain thought, but the words wouldn't come out. There was something else he felt like he was forgetting, but it was taking all of his energy to focus on his mother's voice alone. 

  "I don't understand..."

  " _I've been watching you for a long time_ ," Honerva said, her hand moving from his cheek to being placed reassuringly on his shoulder. " _I couldn't have been more proud at how you advanced my research. I never would have been able to have been able unlock so many secrets about quintessence in my time."_

  _This is wrong_ , once again, these thoughts didn't leave his lips, and something was nagging at him to remember something important that he brushed aside. 

  "You're wrong..." he said, he couldn't even see her reflection in the glass mirror. He longed to see her face. "Even with all your vast knowledge and research that I poured and studied over, I failed you."

  The grip on his shoulder tightened a bit, not to pinch or hurt, but for comfort. 

  " _No, you haven't. I'm the one who has failed you, my son_.  _I failed to protect you for all these years, and I had forgotten not only myself, but I also had forgotten about my own child."_

  He wanted to turn and face her, to see that the mother he had admired for so long and loved was there, so he could believe that the hooded figure of the witch who he had hated and dreaded his entire life was another person entirely. Lotor could only grin. If this was just the rift toying with his mind, he'd play along with it. 

  This was something he'd always wanted and was never allowed to indulge ever since he was a child. Something he wished came true in the reality he was living in. 

  "This is all in my head, isn't it? The rift is tricking me into believing you're actually here with me."

  The grip on his shoulder tightened, " _Do you wish for this to be nothing more than a dream?_ "

  "After everything... a dream would be more than welcome,"  He nervously lifted his hand up and placed it over where he felt his mother's hand. It felt warm even through his glove and his body began to relax. "I'm tired, mother. I don't know what I should be doing next. I can't think..."

  " _Then rest_ ," she assured him, and his eyes began to close as if on her command. " _Once you awaken, everything will be better_. _I will set everything right._ "

  "If I wake up... will I not see you again?"

  Another hand slipped over his shoulder and he felt a warm embrace he was sure he had never experienced before. For the first time in what seemed like a millennia, he felt safe. He wanted to hold onto this moment for as long as possible, even if it was all a dream. 

  " _I will be with you, my son. When you wake up, I promise I will find you again. When I do... we can finally be a family once more."_

"A family..." Lotor mused as his vision slowly turned black. 

   _Yes... I would like that._

* * *

 

    "How is he?" Honerva asked as she entered the room where two Alteans looked up forlornly at her. 

    "We're not sure, empress Honerva," one admitted, holding up a holo-screen keeping Lotor's heart-rate monitored. "He didn't suffer much since he was inside that mech, but we can't know the full extent until he wakes up."  
  Honerva stared at the bed where Lotor rested, three years she searched for him, now he was safe. 

  "Leave us."

  "Yes, empress," the two Alteans bowed respectfully and left the room to them. 

   Honerva glided over to her son, staring at his gaunt face and gently placed a hand over his cheek. 

  "My son..." 

  His eyelids began to twitch and slowly began to open. She would have left out a sigh of relief, but kept her composure. Even she wasn't sure how he would react after spending that much time in the quintessence void. 

  "Do you know who you are?" Honerva asked as Lotor's eyes finally opened and he looked around the room in confusion. 

  "...Where am I?" His voice came out rasped and strained.   
  "You're safe, we found you in the void and managed to rescue you. Can you remember anything from your time there?"

    "No..." He admitted and looked up at Honerva, confusion riddled over his face. "Who are you?"  



End file.
